Sometimes our grit isn’t strength – it’s a shield.
A Personal Reflection
We often celebrate resilience. We praise people who push through, who “soldier on,” who keep showing up no matter what. And yes, grit can be a powerful ally when life tests us.
But here’s the uncomfortable truth: sometimes resilience stops being growth – and starts becoming avoidance.
Think about it. Have you ever told yourself:
- “I just need to get through this,” while ignoring the fact that something isn’t working?
- “I can handle it,” while silently burning out?
- “I don’t have time to stop now,” when deep down you know stopping is exactly what you need?
I know I have. It’s all in the book I wrote a few years ago. And in those moments, resilience wasn’t helping me move forward. It was helping me avoid the harder truth – that something needed to change.
The Shadow Side of Grit
Resilience, at its best, builds strength. It helps us stretch, recover, and keep going when things get tough. But when overused, it can become a mask.
Instead of facing the discomfort of saying no, leaving a role, ending a relationship, or admitting “this isn’t working,” we double down on grit. We endure. We persevere. We wear exhaustion as a badge of honour.
But endurance isn’t always growth. Sometimes it’s just survival. And survival mode, if left unchecked, keeps us small.
What Growth Really Looks Like
Growth asks different questions:
- Instead of “How do I push through?”, it asks, “What do I need to shift?”
- Instead of “How do I cope?”, it asks, “What’s the root cause of this struggle?”
- Instead of “How do I hold on?”, it asks, “What am I being called to let go of?”
- Instead of “I can do this on my own”, it asks, “Who has other information or skills that can help me?”
True resilience isn’t about gritting your teeth forever. It’s about recognising when perseverance serves you – and when it’s time to choose courage instead.
Reflection Prompt
Where in your life are you persevering when, deep down, you know it’s time to make a change?